Welcome to my brain

I just feel like writing. I am not sure why I feel this need to write. In all honesty, I don’t even know exactly what to say, but there is a strong urge to get the thoughts that are running in my head out. For those who know me well, they realize that this isn’t like me, I am usually a person with an agenda and a point to make – not this time. September was a month that stretched me emotionally and spiritually. I feel like I was put through the ringer, experiencing times of joy and difficulty – all of which lead me to Christ, in which my heart was exposed, reminding me how bankrupt I am on my own. I am grateful for this. I am grateful that Christ loves me enough to tear my heart open and reveal the black areas that still remain. I am grateful that he allows me to go through trials and exposes my idols for what they are – empty and destructive. This month I preached twice at church. God was so gracious to me. I love to preach, but it wears me out. It reminds me of my own depravity and strengthens me in Christ’s faithfulness. The Holy Spirit has been heavy upon me this week. I have found myself fighting back tears as I contemplate Christ and his love. Even now as I write this I find my eyes welling up – the guy next to meet at Starbucks probably thinks I am crazy. This is not normal, but I like it. I talked with a friend all last week who was struggling. I offered this friend comfort and reminded this friend of their worth in Christ and that because Christ shed his blood, they are the most valuable person on earth. I could use this advice for myself. I was comforted through my friends struggle. I was the one trying to encourage, but their struggle with self-worth brought me comfort because it resonated so much in my own life. I put a lot of hope into something this last week that didn’t pan out. This brought me a lot of disappointment, which I was not expecting. I still pray that it pans out one day but if not I pray that I will be satisfied in Christ. These are the thoughts that are running through my head. Not to worry, my next post will be back to defending doctrine.

Is your Gospel “Me” Focused?

“I have often heard it said, ‘If I had been the only person on earth, Jesus would still have died for me.’ Although our Lord could still have given his life for just one person, it most certainly would not have been because the person was so valuable, but because God was so gracious. Such an occurrence should hardly, therefore, be regarded as a source of pride or self esteem. For me to argue that Jesus would have died for me if I were the only one person on earth simply indicates my sins alone, without the rest of you contributing your share, were sufficient to demand the severe punishment Jesus Christ vicariously assumed in my place. When faced with that reality, we ought to weep for the selfless sacrifice of our Lord instead of finding in it one more opportunity for feeling good about ourselves”

-Dan Mtzat-

It’s amazing how a small shift in perspective can change our entire outlook on self and the cross. To think that Christ died because of our innate self worth is abhorrent. Left to himself, man is a repugnant, egotistical, traitor that celebrates his treason against God. The Cross was the capstone of this disloyalty. It is also the one and only act that enables man to mourn over his betrayal and rejoice in the grace of God. If man has worth it is only because the Cross has applied it, and if this is the case it can hardly be called self worth.

Where is the Guarantee?

I have never been one to get “stressed out”. Sure I have had times when I worried about a new job or had anxiety about a paper due in college, but for the most part I have always been able to keep it in check.

Recently, however, this hasn’t been the case. Maybe its too much evening news or the constant barrage of the media but I have found myself becoming concerned, almost worried, about the state of our world and my survival in it. With the economy in the craphole, the cost of gas and food rising, and the ever present cloud of fear that seems to be engulfing our culture, I have found myself asking questions such as: What will I do if I can’t afford gas? What will happen if I can no longer pay rent? What if I lose all the comfort and safety I have grown so accustomed to?

What if?

The question alone causes an avalanche of fear and insecurity. I want to have control so badly but when I realize I can’t, I look for comfort in blaming politics, parents, society, culture, or any other entity I can think of. Is this pleasing to God? After all, didn’t Jesus tell his disciples,“…do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble” (Matthew 6:34) Perhaps, instead of asking the question “What If”, I should be asking myself the question “Since When”

Since when did God promise me a nice comfortable life?
Since when was I assured protection from persecution or suffering?
Since when is the USA God’s chosen nation?
Since when am I guaranteed to even finish this blog post?

The Bible does give promises about this life, but they look more like this:

“You will be hated by all for my name's sake.” Like 21:17 (ESV)

“...If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you.” John 15:20 (ESV)

“Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted” 2 Timothy 3:12 (ESV)

My reward is not in the comforts of this life. It is not in money, hobbies, work, pleasure, success, power, freedom, safety, status quo, sports or swimming pools. My reward is only in the resurrection that is to come through faith in Christ.

What Did Paul Live For?

“If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied.” (1 Cor.15:19)

People can debate whether or not life after death exists, but you cannot debate whether or not Paul believed it. Everything about the way Paul lived shouted something better was to come. He believed that living for the Kingdom of God was more important than living for the kingdom of man, and that the reward of doing so outweighed any physical consequence on earth. He didn’t waste his life on the pursuit of wealth, power, prestige, influence, possessions, health, or business. There was no way he could say, “Well… true or not at least it was a comfortable life”. He didn’t live for comfort; he lived to see the Gospel proclaimed. He knew if he was wrong, he should be pitied more than any other man. What causes a man to go from a persecutor of the Church to someone who is persecuted for the church? I want the Gospel proclaimed, but confess I want to be comfortable doing it. I talk about loving the unloved and unlovely, but very little do I go out of my way to seek them out. I talk about the importance of serving the poor and the weak, but can’t seem to find myself putting much action to those words. What took place between Jesus and Paul (at the time Saul) that caused him to undergo such a radical change? So much of me wants that, and yet if I am honest, a part of me doesn’t.

Does God Still Speak Through Prophets?

Twenty minutes ago I was praying with both Matt (My Pastor) and Magid (The Egyptian Pastor that meets in our church) for our churches and the community. At one point they laid their hands on me and began to pray for God’s blessing and provision in my life. As they were doing this, I began to plead with God silently that He would not let my past sin affect my ministry or His church.

My past is filled with wickedness, both before and after I became a Christian, and because of this I have always been scared that one day it will come back and effect both my credibility and the churches credibility in regards to ministry and God’s glory. Over the last few months this has been a source of fear and anxiety for me and has been in my prayers constantly. Though, in typical Scott fashion my pride had kept me from telling anyone this.

OK back to the story… As soon as I finished pleading silently before God, Magid looked at me and began to speak…

“God keeps telling me that the past is done and not being held on to. He’s telling me the past has been wiped away and He is bringing you into a new place that you have never been with him before. Do not worry about the past”

I have always believed in the power of the Holy Spirit, but have not seen it like this before. God brought a comfort today that words could hardly capture. Through Magid he spoke two fold: “Scott, I have heard your cry; you are not alone.” and “Scott, I will grant your request. Do not fear.”

So now, with tears streaming down my face, I can tell you God is alive, worthy of all praise and without question still does the miraculous!

The Importance of a Father

I will finish the 10 things that rob us of joy but I wanted to share some thoughts of mine.

What is it like to grow up without a positive influence from a father? Often I feel like I was dropped into the wilderness and told to survive alone. There was no one to warn me about dangers, no one to show me how to find shelter, and no one to guide me home. I feel like I missed out on information that was essential early on. I needed someone to tell me the dangers of pornography, I needed someone to show me that God takes us in under his wings, and I needed someone to remind me that following Christ is difficult but worth it. My Heavenly Father has since taught me these things, but I carry the scars of someone who learned much to late. On top of all this is pride. Because I grew up without a father, I think I can now do everything on my own. This causes me to isolate myself, not have compassion on those struggling, and become defensive when others try to teach me. There is hope though. Because of Christ, I am able to say a few things. The first is that I forgive my earthly father, the second is that I want to see my earthly father in heaven, and the third is that I am able to understand the difference between my earthly father and Heavenly Father. (The last of these I am so grateful for because I know not everyone can) Why do I post this? Partly to help me heal the hurt inside and partly to help others who struggle. There is hope my friends and it is found in the perfect sacrifice of Jesus Christ.