Welcome to my brain

I just feel like writing. I am not sure why I feel this need to write. In all honesty, I don’t even know exactly what to say, but there is a strong urge to get the thoughts that are running in my head out. For those who know me well, they realize that this isn’t like me, I am usually a person with an agenda and a point to make – not this time. September was a month that stretched me emotionally and spiritually. I feel like I was put through the ringer, experiencing times of joy and difficulty – all of which lead me to Christ, in which my heart was exposed, reminding me how bankrupt I am on my own. I am grateful for this. I am grateful that Christ loves me enough to tear my heart open and reveal the black areas that still remain. I am grateful that he allows me to go through trials and exposes my idols for what they are – empty and destructive. This month I preached twice at church. God was so gracious to me. I love to preach, but it wears me out. It reminds me of my own depravity and strengthens me in Christ’s faithfulness. The Holy Spirit has been heavy upon me this week. I have found myself fighting back tears as I contemplate Christ and his love. Even now as I write this I find my eyes welling up – the guy next to meet at Starbucks probably thinks I am crazy. This is not normal, but I like it. I talked with a friend all last week who was struggling. I offered this friend comfort and reminded this friend of their worth in Christ and that because Christ shed his blood, they are the most valuable person on earth. I could use this advice for myself. I was comforted through my friends struggle. I was the one trying to encourage, but their struggle with self-worth brought me comfort because it resonated so much in my own life. I put a lot of hope into something this last week that didn’t pan out. This brought me a lot of disappointment, which I was not expecting. I still pray that it pans out one day but if not I pray that I will be satisfied in Christ. These are the thoughts that are running through my head. Not to worry, my next post will be back to defending doctrine.